ADOPTIVE PARENTS  “I feel really lost. I thought attaching to my child would be easy. But she just rejects every attempt that I make to connect with her. Am I doing something wrong or was this just doomed to begin with? Can’t she see that I love her?” “My child is so angry. She comes home from school and it’s like there is a dark cloud surrounding her. She won’t open up but I can tell that something is simmering inside. What should I do?” “I feel as though it is important for my child to know his heritage. But where is the happy medium? I want him to fit into our world but I know that he has a cultural tie to his motherland. How much is too much? “When is an appropriate time for my child to start looking for her birth family? She says she wants to begin the search but she is so young. Am I supposed to take the reins or am I disrespecting her roots by not allowing the search at the time that she requests?” “My son came home today and asked why his birth mother gave him up for adoption. He said that kids at school told him that she had no money to buy him toys so that he had to come live with another family who could buy him toys. I didn’t think these questions would start so early… what information do I give him and how will I know when to give him more?” ADOPTED CHILDREN  “Did my mom buy me because she wanted a baby and couldn’t have her own?” “The other kids ask me who my real brother and sister are. I don’t know what they mean. I have a brother and sister and I live with them everyday. It makes me mad when kids ask me stupid questions like that” “I don’t like how I look. Kids make fun of me because I look different. Why don’t I look like everyone else?” “I just get so angry. And I can’t control it. I just don’t know how I feel I just know it feels bad inside.” ADOPTED ADOLESCENTS  “I don’t feel like I belong to anyone. I know I have an adoptive family and I know somewhere I have a birth family. But who am I? Why don’t I feel whole on my own?” “I cry a lot. I’m angry a lot. Everyone tells me that I should be grateful because I’m one of the lucky ones who found a good family. I get that I am lucky. But it also makes me mad because I’m just me. Lucky or unlucky… isn’t it okay to just have questions and to feel how I feel?” “I am really starting to wonder what my birth mother looks like. I really want to see someone who looks like me. But I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt my adoptive mom’s feelings. It’s like I always feel torn between protecting the family I have and trying to express my curiosity about my birth heritage.” | What are clients saying about life INSIGHTS?  " I like that there is someone out there who can really understand what my daughter is truly going through. I know that I can love her but I also know that I am not an International adoptee so there are feelings that I just really can't identify with". - Adoptive Parent "I like that you understand me. Even though I am a boy I feel like you might understand what it feels like to really miss a part of yourself. There is an identity part that is just really hard to explain to people who have a history and a past with their birth family". - Adopted client age 26
"Did my mom buy me? I think she bought me because my real mom couldn't buy me toys so I came to my new mom cause she can buy me toys". - Adopted Client age 5 "Sometimes I feel sad because my friends say that my brother is not my real brother because we were adopted but I feel like he is my real brother and I want other people to see that too". - Adopted Client age 8 " She cries and cries. Everything is a fight. And when she doesn't get her way she screams at me that I am not her real mom. I feel like there is nothing I can do. I am lost and I need some tools". - Adoptive Parent " The teasing is hard. And I think she takes it so seriously. I am afraid that these teen years are going to affect her self-esteem way more that it ever did for me. I think she may need some help and someone safe to talk to that isn't her mom or dad". - Adoptive Parent " There are very few post adoption resources for adopted families and I feel really strongly that there are feelings that a non-adopted person just cannot understand to the fullest. It is very helpful and insightful to have professionals and experts like yourself to help families navigate through the unending highs and lows of adoption from both sides of the spectrum. - Professional Colleague |
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